Tag Archives: drug

Loneliness Hits

30 Sep

Loneliness is a rough sort of rolled-up burning-down summary of life to take a hit of. It’s the kind of hit that leaves you not just coughing so badly you wind up in tears, but somehow proves a bruise-leaver too, on more than just your throat. Loneliness hits that way.

Loneliness is the worst of drags that I cannot seem to ever figure out how to choke down and tolerate. I guess my ears get a little weird, when I’ve sucked down loneliness. I go deaf for a bit, so I can’t even hear the noises of the ones around me. All I can hear is the inside of my brain, and that’s only filled with the noises of people who aren’t any longer here.

It’s a bad trip, loneliness.

The psychiatrists and psychologists, they say it will pass. That we’ll find me an antidote, and I will stop choking on the very air around me as this unending ember of a stick of loneliness dangles from my fingers, unable to be removed. This next set of pills, they say. This next glass of water. This next deep breath.

I’ve taken many a deep breath in my life; loneliness is an insidious pollution, and the smog count grows ever higher. That’s the rub – you breathe in to breathe out what you breathed in, but if there’s no change in air quality, your red blood cells only learn all the more to consent to carry what your heady environment has stuck upon life’s circulation.

Even tears can’t flush it out.

Maybe one day a little white circle will clear all this away.

Maybe one day a fire will burn hot enough to immolate this slow-killing haze.

Maybe one day I will have exchanged all my oxygen for this grey composition, and then I will no longer notice any discrepancy in hue, and I will not remember what it was like before, and I will no longer fight to hold off this desperate coloration, because at least now, in this grey prison, I have something with which to be one.

Or maybe these are all just ramblings, too long a drag off the loneliness stick. I’m starting not to remember much. Oh look, bruises…


Everybody’s Drug

6 Feb


Everybody’s got their drug. The coffee-chugging woman waves to the man smoking his first morning cigarette. The pothead passes by the crack addict, whose friends are locked into the heroin-driven pattern of wake up and shoot up.

Everybody’s got their drug.

In a chemically-regulated society, you can pop you pills for happiness, inject beauty and nip and tuck away flaws. Just swallow speed for smarts, or if you’re a purist, merely force down a couple capsules of letters like A and E or D and C before lunchtime for a wealth of health – or at least that’s what the doctors say.

Everybody’s got their drug.

Alcohol is liquid courage. Green tea will calm the soul and curve the waistline. Monsters hide under the bed and under the car seat, tell-tale signs of instant energy. And don’t forget that latte; contentment is just a sip away – at least that’s what the advertisements say.

Everybody’s got their drug.