Conviction

18 Jan

I don’t give homeless people money. I just don’t. I’ve had enough personal experience with wavering in the face of choosing a necessity versus the easy way out to know better than to just hand out money.

However, while I won’t give out money, I will give out breakfast, or a granola bar, or a scarf, or whatever it happens to be that the homeless person is actually needing at that moment. It’s much more practical and much more effective than just handing out a dollar bill.

Now for a segue. Monday, Wednesday, and Friday mornings I walk dogs for my friends the Stangels. Because I’m an insomniac and have a bit of a phobia of being late, I occasionally find myself arriving near the Stangels’ neighborhood with a half hour to an hour to spare. So, I’ve created this nice ritual of heading to the Starbucks up the street and hanging out there with a cup of coffee and a spot of writing.

This morning was one of those Starbucks mornings. I became so absorbed in the snippet of story I was writing that when I finally came to, I realized I only had a few minutes to get to the Stangels’ house. However, on my way out of Starbucks, I was accosted by a homeless woman whom I had once bought breakfast for. She asked if I had some change to spare for a cup of coffee. My brain whirred into a quick mental calculation, figuring that I didn’t have enough to both buy the woman breakfast and make it to the Stangels’ on time. Besides, I’m a poor college student. It’s not like I have  that much to spare.

So, guiltily, I said no. No, I didn’t sorry. Sorry.

Really? Really? As soon as I turned to head towards my car, the mental recriminations started. Did I really have nothing to spare? Was I really so destitute that I couldn’t help this woman out? Was I really that busy that I couldn’t spare a few minutes to help? Would the Stangels really care if I were five minutes late to dog-walking? A modern-day “good Samaritan study” I’d read about in which results showed that those who were time-pressed were less likely to stop to help someone flashed through my mind. Then the image of Jesus standing there (hey, I’m Christian) asking for a cup of coffee flashed through my mind next, with me answering “no.”

No, sorry, I’m too busy. No, sorry, I don’t feel like being that generous today…

Yup. That did it. I was thoroughly convicted. I’d reached my car, opened the car door, and set my own cup of coffee in the consul holder. But then, instead of loading myself into the car, I shut the door, turned back around, and fished in my purse for my wallet.

“Actually,” I said, approaching the woman, “actually I do have change to spare. Would you like breakfast?”

The woman, whose name I later found out was Rosalie, smiled.

Turkey sandwich and small cup of coffee it was.

DDG Kindle Edition

18 Jan

Hey Kindle people! Drop Dead Gorgeous is now available as an e-book. Happy reading!

Check out the Kindle version of Drop Dead Gorgeous here!

Drop Dead Gorgeous

15 Jan

DDG cover

It’s official! Drop Dead Gorgeous, Miceala’s memoir, is now published and available for purchase through LuLu.com. “DDG,” as Miceala fondly thinks of it, will be available in print and as an e-book through Amazon and LA-area bookstores soon!

Here’s the book jacket description:

“This is not a pretty book. It is a book that contains all the mess and grunge of a real life. My life – with an eating disorder.

This is a look from the inside. Written while I am still recovering, this book is an attempt to give all those who have never had to live within the war zone of an eating disorder a real look at the battleground.

So welcome, then. Welcome to the inside of my own head. Welcome to my land of thin thoughts and fat fears. Welcome to my attempt to become drop dead gorgeous.

Let’s hope we make it out alive.”

Buy it now on LuLu.com!

On Death

7 Jan

Happy Monday! Mondays need more presents. I think it would make them nicer.

So, here’s a present for you all. It’s a short story I’v written about a very flamboyant alien and a very serious question. Hope you enjoy!

 

 

On Death

It was an odd place, this earth. Shuttles going in and out on a daily basis to keep the population at equilibrium. Missions forged weekly to find new frontiers to settle. Science slowed to a near standstill, only the one regulation-mandated study coming out per year. Art had been all but abandoned. With immortality comes time, was the motto here. There would be time for discovery later. If you lost your creativity, you had forever to find it again. The most important thing, they said, had already been found. The thing on which hinged everything.

Eternal life.

But he was here on a sight-seeing trip, a cultural expedition to become acquainted with this new culture that had reached the prime of its life (though with its infinite extent, who could really judge what phase it was in?). It was an anthropological examination for his human studies class. Those odd, four-limbed creatures were just so endearing, he couldn’t have passed up an opportunity to rub one of his many elbows with them. They were just so curious, such small creatures holding such a large key to the universe. And it was still so unwieldy to them, all these millennia later. Humans were a cute species. So funny.

“Excuse me,” he asked a man rushing by, “what have you done today?”

The man looked at him as if – well, in colloquial terms, as if he were an alien – and just kept hurrying by.

“Hmph,” he harrumphed to himself. Rude.

He kept walking through the terminal, passing up all the busy bodies hustling from place to place dragging their infernal roller luggage behind. You’d think that immortal beings would be more aware of where their supplementary appendages were going, instead of letting them fly all over the place, tripping up poor innocent “aliens” like himself who happened to have more than two appendages for locomotion. Honestly. These people’s fountain of youth certainly hadn’t made them any less crass. You’d think, having all the time in the worlds, they’d slow down at some point…

“Oomph!” he spluttered, nearly falling flatly onto his primary nose. Quickly recovering, he whipped around, expecting to see an offending roller bag hurtling off into the crowed after its master, leaving no hope of an apology.

You can imagine his surprise when he was confronted with a very gangly, very scrawny, very bearded old man sitting squarely on the floor in front of him.

“Oh!” he exclaimed. “My apologies!”

The old man looked up at him with glazed eyes. They locked gazes for a moment, but then the old man merely looked back down at the floor and shrugged.

“No bother.”

Finally! He was thrilled. Someone who would talk to him! He plopped down on the floor next to the aged human.

“Hello!” he said brightly. “May I talk to you?”

Some of the haze cleared from the old man’s eyes and he looked at his visitor curiously. “I suppose.”

“Fantastic!” He rummaged in his backpack (a much more sensible invention, really) for his list of questions. “Here we go!” He pulled out the much-crumpled piece of paper and a pen (tragically, already showing signs of leaking). “Let’s see,” he thumbed down the list, searching for the best question question to open with. “Aha! I know. Tell me, have you truly loved?”

The old man chuckled, but there was pain in the rasp. “Oh, I’ve loved, my boy. I’ve loved and loved again.”

He leaned in closer. “But,” he said in a conspiratorial whisper, “have you ever really loved?”

The old man closed his eyes. His voice fell low. “Her name was Ally.”

“I see,” he said, scribbling the name down on his paper. “Where is she now?”

The man didn’t answer for a moment. He was silent so long that his visitor looked up from his crumpled piece of paper and promptly pretended not to notice the tears streaming down the old man’s face.

“She died.”

“Oh,” he gulped. “But I thought…”

“Yes, yes,” the old man waved a hand at him impatiently. Ire creeped into his voice. “But she didn’t want it.”

He fidgeted with his paper nervously. “Okay, then,” he muttered. “Next question, next question… let’s see… oh!” He looked at the old man quizzically. “If you don’t mind me asking,” he tried, politely as possible, “why, ahem, why did you let yourself grow old? Seems everybody else around here just keeps regenerating themselves. You know, the eternal youth thing.”

“Oh, I’ve had my fair share of re-youthing,” the old man nodded slowly. “I’ve been a strapping young boy more times than I can count. Eventually, the repetition of it all just… got old. Just because I could grow young again did not mean that I could remake myself. Each time I was still left with all my limitations, all my faults. Infinite life does not make for infinite abilities, my son.”

“Oh.” He ran over his sheet of questions again and again, but none of them seemed to fit anymore. Suddenly, he and, foregoing his human studies professor’s instructions about how to properly go about questions, asked one not on his list. “Then why are you still here?”

“I do not know whether I have loved enough, laughed enough, learned enough, lived enough,” the man said frantically. “How can I ever end things before I know that I have completed myself? The decision has been left to me, deigning my life finished. But what if I have missed something? I can’t go out yet. I am plagued by the constant suspicion that there is something more, and that I have not found it yet. I have lived my life over and over again. I am bored of this existence. I am tired. And yet despite this emptiness in me, I have searched this life again and again, and have come to the conclusion that what I feel must be wrong, for there is nothing left. That this must be all there is to life, in the end, this hole. How can I die, if this is all that’s left?” The man fell silent.

He looked at the old man. Strange, this human’s thinking pattern. He was feeling very “alien” right now indeed.

He cleared his throat. “But,” he said in as small, unobtrusive a voice as he could manage, “you haven’t found life’s end.” The old man looked up at him, curiosity returning to his old eyes.

“Yes?”

“Well,” he said, trying not to sound too matter-of-fact, “if you never die, how will you know for sure whether there’s ever anything else?”

The old man was silent for a long while. Finally he looked up and met his visitor’s gaze again.

“I don’t know, my boy. I don’t know.”

Suits

5 Jan

sexy business woman

Okay, every woman deserves at least one feminist diatribe.

And I’ve got some ranting to do. You see, I was just contacted about doing my first book signing (I know, major score, right? Right.), and I realized – oh heart be not faint – I have nothing to wear.

Now, this state of wardrobe paucity is the natural product of having been in treatment for the past three months. Style around treatment centers comes in the form of old t-shirts and baggy pants. Great if you’re spending the day talking about your feelings, but not so great if you’re planning to meet up with the director of a bookstore. It’s just a tad too unprofessional to really meet the guidelines of “business casual.”

So, having been indoctrinated in the way of the female, my head’s first solution to this problem was to immediately think “Target shopping trip!” Then, thinking it over some more, I realized that I have this nice, reasonably trendy black flowy skirt that I could pair with some starchy blouse or other.

Then, oddly enough, my head objected. “Skirts aren’t high-powered enough for a business meeting,” it frowned. “Suits are more likely to get the job done.”

Bring on the 180. Immediately, my mind flipped around and started demanding, “well why the Sam Hill are skirts not high-powered enough? Why do I have to wear more masculine-style clothes to be perceived as a competent woman? So what if I like being a little flirty in my business dress?”

It made me think, really, about how much women and their clothing are still given a perception rating out in the world. Skirt? Sorry, too soft, no job for you. Pants and a suit jacket? Welcome aboard.

Hmm. The feminist in me is disgruntled.

Because we’re still assigning messages about what clothes “mean” to the women who wear them. And excuse me, but I’d rather my impression not be reduced down to a belt and handbag. I’d prefer to be sized up according to how proudly I carry myself, how well I deliver my words, how firmly I shake your hand. Please, do not strip my capability down to a piece of fabric.

Morning Joe

2 Jan

Just a spot of flash fiction for you all this morning. Happy hump day!

morning joe coffee 2

Morning Joe

He took a long sip of coffee and then spluttered ferociously. “What is this stuff?” he coughed. “It tastes like cat pee!”

“Oh,” I looked down at the table guiltily. “It’s, erm some old coffee.”

“Jesus!” He began wiping the spots of sprayed coffee from his sports jacket. “How old?”

I shrugged. I honestly didn’t know. I’d just found it in the pot. Good to know it wasn’t worth drinking. I pushed my own mug away from me before I could start automatically bringing it to my lips.

“So,” I ventured, dodging his eyes, “how are you?”

I could feel him glowering at me. “Fine.”

I shuffled my feet under the table. “You don’t sound fine…”

“I’m fine, dammit!” His fist met the table with a loud thump! “Why can’t you ever just take what I have to say?”

I felt the tell-tale clench of my throat and prepared myself to bite back tears. “Sorry.”

Across the table, he melted. “No,” his voice was suddenly all softness and rich notes, like a properly brewed cup of coffee, “no, I’m sorry. It’s just early, and I’m, um, not adequately caffeinated yet. It’s my fault for being so irritable.” He looked down at the spurious brown liquid before him. “It’s, uh, really not that bad. Really.” He took a long draught. I watched him make a face but swallow the joe anyway.

Well, he was trying. Not succeeding very well, but trying.

And it helped a little.

Tales of Life

1 Jan

tales of life cover

So, I’m a starving artist. Figuratively. My treatment team would get on me if I were actually starving.

But anyhoo, I’m a starving artist who loves animals and intends to be a vet someday. But the thing about becoming a vet – I must first go to vet school, which means I must first pay for vet school.

Well darn. That’s an inconvenient wrinkle.

Though vet school is over a year away, I’m starting to save up now. And I’m hoping that some of you wouldn’t mind helping – in exchange for a poem or few. I’ve published my second e-book, Tales of Life, and the royalties from its sales are going into my vet school fund.

Tales of Life is a collection of poems that are, simply, about life. They are tales of Mondays and scraped knees, of TV dinners and apartment buildings. They are tales of beauty in the commonplace, of second glances given to the quotidienne.

I hope you find as much wonder in the everyday as I do.

Enjoy.

Buy Miceala’s Tales of Life here.

Tales of An Early Morning

27 Dec

Published my first e-book! Tales of An Early Morning is a collection of poems and short stories with a temporal aspect. The book is divided into three sections: Tales of Night, Tales of Coffee, and the namesake section, Tales of An Early Morning.

The book is dedicated to the Wildlife Waystation, the animal sanctuary I volunteer at. All royalties from the books sales go to support the Waystation. Hope you all enjoy!

Get Tales of An Early Morning now!

Life As A College Vegan

27 Dec

LAACV logo

For activism, animals, and adventure, check out my blog, Life As A College Vegan!

Love With a Twist

26 Dec

love with a twist

A Proposal of Ink, the short story I contributed to Alicia Airey’s anthology Love With a Twist, is now available through Amazon Kindle!

Get Love With a Twist now!